This week is a week of memory for me. On Tuesday, June 2, I was ordained a priest in 1990. On June 5, 1978, my father died after a yearlong battle with cancer. I am always aware of the dichotomy of feelings. Being sad and joyful has been one of the lessons that I have learned from having two important dates so close.
Being sad is one of the most important feelings we can have, as long as we do not get stuck there. My fear is that no teenager is ever taught to deal with actual pain of losing a parent. My observation and my own experience of losing my mom about 11 years ago hurts too. But, when our brains are still developing and learning, it can and is overwhelming. Being 17 is not a child or a teen but also not an adult. It is that liminal space between being someone in high school with one set of expectations and being in college when people look at a person differently. One of my criticisms of today’s world is that have pushed out the teen expectations to the mid 20’s and we are not any young adult in their 20’s a favor. We all need to become the adults we are and learn to live, make mistakes, and learn from them, learn that we do not always get what we want…in other words, become a mature adult. Losing my Dad when I did was not easy and one of my coping skills (not a good one) was to become an “adult” and not allow the 17-year-old to grieve as a 17-year-old.
However, we also need to be joyful in life. When I was ordained, I knew I was one the right path. I have also learned after 36 years, I have not walked the easy road. I have had struggle a lot. Sometimes with my own expectations , the issues in the Church, the unreal expectations of some parishioners, and the list continues. There have been many joys too…. I also think of the people I have served, and I give thanks, I have baptized, confirmed a few times with permission, witnessed marriages, anointed the sick, heard a ton of confessions and I have had the awesome privilege to preside at the Eucharist and stand in the place of the alter Christus capitas (of Christ the Head). We all stand in the person of Christ, but the awesome place to repeat the words of Jesus himself and invoke the Spirit to transform the simple gifts of bread and wine into His Body and Blood is beyond words. What saddens me the most are the liturgical wars….we are missing the awesome mysteries because everyone thinks they are right. If I receive in the hand, then I am not pious enough. If I receive on the tongue, I am too conservative…and it continues. The answer is in two places:
Matthew 6/1-6: What Jesus expects of all of us
The General Instruction of the Roman Missal and the adaptions in the US; no one can expect more of another than what the Church expects.
SO, here is how I deal with these events:
How do I handle the sadness?
I remember; I stay quiet, I allow myself to just be with my memories a little bit
How I handle the joy?
Offer the Mass, dinner with friends, quiet prayer and acknowledge God has given me
to do which has been wonderful.
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